I’ve sat here for months. Staring at blank pages and a flashing text cursor. Attempting to write and share my heart without the gumption and courage to do so. I hardly know how to proceed with what I want to say. In my hiatus from my blog, I’ve gone through quite a journey. One I never wanted to be thrown into. And in this journey, I’ve grown both more confident and sure of who I am and where I want to be. And yet, some days I feel more confused than ever, utterly lost, and a mere shadow of who I truly am inside. I’m at a crossroads, you see. Stuck between two worlds. One where I feel the need to shrink myself and adapt to what others would have me be. And another where I stand firm in who I am, willing to risk being disliked and rejected… remaining strong in my values and convictions, regardless of the outcome.
Have you ever been in this place before? I’m sure you have. We all have at some point. And for many of us, we must battle these complexities every day. And you may be wondering, how does this relate to a home design blog? Let me explain.
I have not written and published a post in years. I have a desire to write and to share my process and joy of home. But in the last several years, I’ve wondered and debated how this must look for me going forward. The direction of blogging has dramatically shifted. And in the place of genuine home content that feels encouraging, uplifting, and inspiring…we see an increasing amount of over-consumption, advertisements, and influencers begging for clicks and likes. Blog posts with authentic content and vulnerability are becoming a thing of the past. They aren’t flashy enough in our fast-paced, demanding world. And because of this, the world of interiors has shifted largely into an inauthentic, unattainable distortion of reality. It’s a world I have no desire to be a part of.
If my life-story has taught me anything in these past several years, I have learned the importance of standing firm in who I am. Even when it costs me. Even when everything in me screams to just go with the flow and do what’s expected of me. It’s easier. Until it’s not. You see, there is a cost that must be paid. To blend in with the crowd means likability. To go against the grain risks it all. But is likability my purpose? Is my purpose here to just be praised and admired? To be approved of? If it is, I’m playing a game I can never win. I am losing who I am, who God created me to be, so that I can be comfortable and applauded. And I believe that game is not one worth playing.
So how does this relate to my life in the blogging world? It means that I need to show up as authentically me. To post when I want to, and not fit myself into the box of the perfectly timed and scheduled post. It means that I write as I see fit. I don’t write to make everything neatly packaged in a bow of perfection. It means that I share what I see as important, not share endless links to more stuff that no one needs. It means that I stay true to what I feel is right for me, even when my home and style doesn’t blend in with the current trends being praised and copied tirelessly on the internet. I’m tired of the race. I want something deeper. I want something that feels real. I’m done with the superficial and shallow workings of the internet. I’m done with the popularity contest. And if that means that my blog will continue to be nothing more than a casual space where only a few people read each post, I am okay with that.
I felt the desire to make my blog something unique and special. And for a while I did that. It was a perfect fit for me. But as I began to watch the same world turn into quick reels, links, and ads, my blog felt like it no longer belonged. And I fought for years to decide, is this worth pursuing? And the answer that I have arrived at is: yes. It doesn’t have to reach the masses. It doesn’t have to be popular. It’s doesn’t have to impact every person I know and don’t know. If I am impacting even one person to love their home more or inspiring another to let go of perfectionism, it is enough.
Making a difference in the world means showing up in truth. It means I must show up as who I am Biblically called to be… even when it doesn’t make sense in this loud, overbearing world. It means that sometimes, this blog will be more focused on deeper issues and less on simple projects I am doing in my home. I’m not interested in crafting the perfect marketing scheme. I will show up as I am called to do so, popular or not. And I will let the Lord guide me as He sees fit. No level of “success” or likability is worth compromising who I am. Worth is not measured in status.
Reading blog posts may not be popular these days, and if you’ve read this far, thank you. I’m truly glad you’re here. I hope that this space will be a place of peace for you. I hope it will be a place of rest against the noise of our culture. May it serve you well. Thank you for being here, and welcome home.
Leave a Reply